I have no formal office hours which means I can sleep whenever I want and for however long I want, and yet I’m still exhausted.
Without Kat here to act as a sort of anchor to the real world, I’ve somehow fallen into this broken sleeping pattern of taking two four-hour naps a day. While that still adds up to eight hours, it just keeps me perpetually tired.
So today I’m trying to fix that by forcing myself to stay awake through the day so that I can collapse into bed at a normal hour and (hopefully) sleep through the entire night. I think the sleep situation isn’t helped by my state of being anxious this last week or two.
I’m typically not the nomadic type. I love my office and it’s my little den of productivity and it’s where I feel at home. So the idea of spending six weeks away from home and working off my laptop is a little stressful. Not enough that I wouldn’t consider the trip, but enough that I’m stressing over making sure I’ll have all the hardware and files I need to make videos, knowing full well that I won’t be able to just run home for something.
I guess I’m also a little nervous about attempting to record a few videos in the parks. Normally I have a script to work off of, and even then I get to do so in the comfort of complete privacy. Now I’m planning to visit the parks during the busiest season of the year to try and record a video off-book while surrounded by strangers. All the while, I know that if I drop the ball there it means working double-time the rest of the month to make the three traditional videos that’ll make up for it.
Lastly there’s still the stress of managing the logistics of everything. In the next seven weeks I have two flights, five hotel stays, two car rentals, bus tickets, train tickets, and a few days where I still have no idea how I plan to get from A to B. I also need to get everything I need from NY to Florida with just my carry-on and a book-bag, which includes Christmas gifts for family and friends.
All in all, none of it is major, and none of it is the kind of stress that’s crippling. It’s just all at once and coming at the tail end of a relatively comfortable and smooth summer. I may be stressed, but I’m also excited. When I look back on my life, all of the best decisions I’ve made have usually been preceded by some nervousness and stress. That’s just what happens when you step outside of your comfort zone, and you need to often step outside of that comfort zone to grow.
Plus at the end of it all I’ve got a great cruise with Kat to look forward to!